In Germany there are places which are as German as German
gets and one of those places is the discount retailer called Lidl. Since a Lidl
outlet is right next to where I live, I shop there often. But before I begin I
must warn you dear reader. You read at your discretion since this tale is not
for the faint of heart.
So even before you enter the shop you sense an air of
urgency about that place. When you are inside there are sales women whom I have
never seen walk, they only run. Sometimes they drive that little in-store
shopping cart for carriage purposes. This makes them even faster. I am sure
they love it. On hindsight I think that’s what those women do. Lidl has no sales people. They dont understand what they are used for.
I remember the first time that I was here. In Pakistan
grocery items like bread, jam, butter etc are labeled both in English and Urdu.
So if one does not read and understand Urdu one can read English. When I came
to Germany this is exactly the impression that I had. I was thinking hey I cant
understand German but I am sure I can get around with the rudimentary English
language prowess that I posses. But as luck would have it, the first shop that
I went to was Lidl. And not only do they never speak English in Lidl (I have
never heard English inside a Lidl store, I am fairly certain its not allowed),
not only do the items never have anything written in English but also the
saleswomen, who travel at Marc 3, inside the store, will be absolutely
apathetical towards your presence in her vicinity. It is therefore with this desire in your mind
that you shop at Lidl that one day maybe one day she will stop by you, look at
you with those beautiful blue eyes and proceed to shouting something in German
at you. Something like “Du hunde sheise! was brauchst du hier jeder mal, wann
ich hier bin?”But
so far I must admit that has not transpired.
There is one thing that I think people who wish to travel to
Germany or want to live here should know. I want to mention this because this breed
of person does not get as much attention in the media as the person deserves. I
am of course talking about the lady at the counter at Lidl. Like everyone else
in the world I have heard stories about you-know-who (in the German context)
but I am fairly certain the counter lady is meaner. I will gladly let Superman
torch me with his laser eyes than be stared at by the counter lady at Lidl. This typically
happens when all my stuff has been through her, I have paid the bills and now
apparently all the matter in the universe is waiting for me to put my things in
my bag. It is then that she just glares at me. And I wish that if she would just take out a chainsaw(used in the massacring industry), and chop
my hand off instead, that would be so much nicer of her and I would thank her. I swear to all things I hold dear and sacred,
that on such times I honestly want to run back to Pakistan.
